


heart's in mayhem

by stilljunhui (acyria)



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: AND EVERYBODY ELSE - Freeform, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Kinda, M/M, Pining, Pre-debut, i love kai too, soobin's such a gentle bby i love him, there's a small smidge of angst but it's very tiny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 17:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18145328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acyria/pseuds/stilljunhui
Summary: Maybe Kai wouldn’t call it being bothered, but he did feel something, which he would usually bury in the back of his mind for next time. There was no need to dwell on the fact that he was beginning to look forward to getting his hair ruffled, or wonder what it would be like if he winked back for once, or even how he wouldn’t even fight being in between Soobin’s arms anymore, fitting in the space like he was made to be there.





	heart's in mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> guess who decided to write this for 3 hours instead of sleeping! i continue to be inspired by sookai and placing them in situations that make me squeal so i hope this makes everybody else squeal too!!!
> 
> but also it's 2am and this is un-beta'd so pls forgive the rushed title and any other mistakes......

Choi Soobin’s always been extremely affectionate, that’s just the way things were. While most would think he would only show cute actions towards Yeonjun, who was the only one older than him in the group, that was actually a very false statement. He was cute and cuddly towards everybody, but _especially_ towards the younger members, who generally paid him no mind and accepted him. He was like a large puppy who liked seeking attention. Nobody was really bothered by it.

 

Of course, it did help that for the most part, Soobin clung onto the youngest member the most.

 

Sometimes, just sometimes, Huening Kai wondered whether he actually _was_ bothered.

 

He was more than used to how Soobin was, though. He was used to the way Soobin would ruffle his hair before and after practice, coupled with gentle words of encouragement each time. He was used to the way Soobin would wink at him from across the room, as long as they make eye contact, and the way he would respond by playfully rolling his eyes. He was used to Soobin’s warm hugs the most, always the most comforting of all the other members.

 

Maybe Kai wouldn’t call it being _bothered_ , but he did feel something, which he would usually bury in the back of his mind for next time. There was no need to dwell on the fact that he was beginning to look forward to getting his hair ruffled, or wonder what it would be like if he winked back for once, or even how he wouldn’t even fight being in between Soobin’s arms anymore, fitting in the space like he was made to be there.

 

At least, he usually _tried_ not to dwell on it.Most of the time, Kai was successful.

 

Until the day came where he wasn’t.

 

With debut coming up, practice has gotten longer and a lot more tiring. Along with the rest of the members, Kai spent almost all day in the practice room, sweaty and tired. After hours of doing the same few moves over and over again, making sure all the angles and timing were perfect, their instructor finally called for a break. Kai collapsed onto the floor immediately, breathing hard. The rest of the members followed suit.

 

“My legs are _burning_ ,” Beomgyu whined, lying down closest to the younger boy.

 

“Same here,” Kai agreed, rolling over to rest on his side. Most of the time, he’d have one or two of the other members using him as a pillow. Sometimes, the position went to Taehyun though, but something that was definite was how Soobin would choose Kai. Always. There was just no questioning it. So when Kai rolled over and inspected the room only to find Soobin resting on Taehyun’s leg, he felt something within him lurch.

 

In the end, he didn’t have enough time to think about it more, since Yeonjun announced they should probably work on the smaller details. One by one, they all got back up on their feet, with Soobin helping Taehyun by pulling him up from the floor, laughing when the younger boy almost tumbled back down. Kai stayed on the floor for a few extra seconds trying to process what he felt before he got up, by himself.

 

Later that day, when practice ended, they gathered on the floor again.

 

“So what are we getting tonight?” Soobin asked, rifling through their collection of delivery fliers. It was always everybody’s favourite time of the day; figuring out what to eat. Everybody had their own preferences, but it usually wasn’t hard to decide on just one thing. If that happened, they usually just did a blind vote. “Pizza? Sushi? Jjajjangmyeon?”

 

“All of the above,” Yeonjun answered, making the rest of them laugh.

 

“Same, I could eat so much right now,” the leader agreed with a pout, patting his tummy.

 

Next to him, unable to help it, Kai grinned, “you always eat a lot, anyway.”

 

“Hey, take that back!” Soobin said with a laugh, pulling Kai down so he could wrap one arm around the younger boy’s shoulders in a hug, one that was probably supposed to seem threatening. His other arm went around the brunette’s stomach. Any other day, Kai would have just went along with it, purposely flailing around and pretending to escape. He would always end up staying in place, anyway.

 

Instead of doing that, Kai froze for a second before quickly pushing Soobin’s arm away.

 

The older boy looked surprised, but soon his expression shifted into one of worry.

 

“Are you alright? You don’t look too good.”

 

All the while, the younger boy was trying to calm himself down without giving himself away; why would he suddenly panic like that, anyway? Unfortunately, Kai was more than aware of the way his heart was racing, along with the warmth on his cheeks. Sometimes, having such fair skin was a curse, since it made his blushing so much more obvious. It got worse when Soobin placed the back of his hand of the other’s forehead.

 

“You don’t feel all too warm, but you’re kinda red,” Soobin continued, frowning. “Did you exert yourself too hard today? You should drink some water, let me—“

 

“I’m alright, hyung,” Kai managed to croak out, glad he didn’t stutter or anything. He could feel the other members watch the situation with equal worry and he didn’t want more of them to be concerned. It was nothing, anyway. He was fine. His heart may still be beating like it wanted to escape his chest, but he was fine, overall. “It’s just hot in here, that’s all.”

 

It was a lie; a pretty obvious one, at that, since despite how much they sweated during practice, the room was always freezing cold. Not to mention, Kai was always the one bundled up in a large jacket over his sweater due to how cold he easily got. Thankfully, Soobin didn’t question it, worry overriding his system. He still got up to fetch the younger boy some water, anyway. 

 

If Kai purposely wouldn’t look at Taehyun, aware that his friend could tell through his lie, he refused to admit it. 

 

That night, Kai found it hard to fall asleep, everything that happened earlier just replaying through his mind. For starters, there was the weird discomfort he felt when he saw Soobin hanging around Taehyun. They were all in the same group, _of course_ Soobin would be around other people. Some part of him knew the right term was jealousy, but admitting it to himself would just bring up another question.

 

Why was he jealous?

 

Even then, if he was jealous of Soobin’s contact with another member, why would his initial response be pushing the older boy away when he finally got the attention he wanted? Granted, Kai just reacted automatically, but it was mostly since he didn’t expect the action. He didn’t expect being so close to Soobin all of a sudden in an almost hug that made him blush and feel butterflies in his stomach that _shouldn’t_ be there. 

 

Things just got more complicated from there, at least for Kai. It felt like he was hyperaware of his surroundings, but mainly, everything Soobin did. Whenever the older boy was around, it felt like he was in a constant state of unrest. Gentle head pats and even the slightest contact felt like a jolt of electricity in his system. All this and Soobin didn’t even look like he had any idea what he was causing the younger boy to feel.

 

At least, Kai liked to think Soobin didn’t know.

 

On a rare day where they all got to rest, the boys decided that a movie night was in order.

 

Everything was set up in the best way possible, considering they did it often. All their favourite foods were ordered, pillows littered the living room floor making a makeshift bed, and they all expected to fall asleep there by the time the movie ended. Without even thinking about it, Kai had naturally filled in the spot next to Soobin; he tried to rationalize with himself that he was there because none of the others were, but a part of him knew better.

 

The thing with being next to Soobin, especially during movies, meant Kai had to endure his cuddling. Thankfully, it was something the younger was more than used to, although the way he would blush was still new and annoying. Near the end of the movie, the older boy already had both arms wrapped around Kai’s waist, his head resting on the other’s shoulder. It was both comforting and nerve-wracking at the same time.

 

“Hey, Kai?” Soobin whispered at one point, lips dangerously close to the younger’s ear. “You smell good.”

 

“We all use the same soap,” the younger boy whispered back, ignoring how he could feel the older’s breath tickling his neck, and how much he wanted to escape.

 

Unfortunately, the dark haired boy merely moved in closer, practically digging his face towards Kai’s neck. Each breath he took felt like torture for the younger boy, who could feel his heart rate begin to pick up. With how close Soobin was to his pulse point, he knew there was no way the older boy wouldn’t notice. Even the flush on his face was travelling down his neck, his whole body getting warmer by the second. 

 

Kai squirmed, “c-can you move a bit? It’s warm.”

 

“I thought you _liked_ that my body’s warm,” Soobin said, something in his tone petulant, as if he was hurt by what the younger said. 

 

The movie ended right after he spoke, which meant Kai had a reason to be anywhere _but_ the living room. It helped that the others had fallen asleep at some point of the movie. Although he told himself he wouldn’t do it anymore, the brunette found himself pushing Soobin away again. This time, he definitely caught the look of hurt on the older boy’s face right before he escaped towards the bathroom. He stayed there for what felt like a decent amount of time. 

 

When he opened the door, Kai saw Taehyun waiting for him.

 

Okay, so _he_ wasn’t asleep.

 

“Do you want to talk about something?” Taehyun asked as he took hold of the younger boy’s wrist, leading them towards the empty bedroom, not even waiting for an answer. “You’ve been a jittery rabbit all week.”

 

Before processing what the other boy said, Kai was staring at their point of contact, wondering why he didn’t feel the need to pull away when it was Taehyun touching him. There was no heart fluttering, blushing, or butterflies in his stomach. Just his friend, dragging him, about to interrogate the hell out of him. It was that last thought that made him scared, if anything, as they reached their shared room.

 

“So,” the older boy said once they entered, letting go of Kai’s arm. “What’s this about Soobin hyung?” 

 

“What made you say that?” Kai tried to front, but the look on Taehyun’s face said he wasn’t buying it one bit. In the end, the younger boy sighed. He wish he could answer, but honestly, he was pretty stumped. Well, only if he decided to keep being in denial, which seemed like the best way to go. He doesn’t like Soobin, not at all. There was just no way. It wasn’t going to happen. As if it wasn’t already happening.

 

“I think,” the younger boy began to say again. “I think I’m catching feelings.”

 

“You think?” Taehyun prompted, tone gentle.

 

“I feel myself blush whenever he hugs me, which he’s always done, and my heart races like crazy,” Kai continued, looking down at his feet. “I even got jealous when he was around you guys instead, since I’m so used to being the one Soobin hyung pesters the most. Is it weird that I want him to keep bothering me in that weird, kinda-flirty-but-not-really way of his?”

 

The other boy gave a small smile, “so you do like him. What’s wrong then, Hyuka?” 

 

“I don’t think I should be liking him,” Kai finally admitted out loud.

 

First of all, they were group members, practically best friends. Second, now that he said it out loud, Kai just felt _scared_. Maybe he could have expected falling for their leader, with his cute dimples and even cuter smile, but there was no telling what it would do to the group as a whole. It wasn’t something he should be feeling, not at all, he concluded. He voiced out most of his thoughts out loud, only looking up at Taehyun when he finished.

 

“You know it’s fine to worry,” Taehyun said after a moment’s pause. “But you’re worrying to much, Kai. Why not just tell him? This is Soobin hyung we’re talking about, he’ll probably take it well.”

 

“No way,” Kai said immediately, shaking his head. “I’m not risking it.”

 

Taehyun regarded him silently for a few seconds before nodding, “alright. I’m glad you told me, though, even if I had to force it out of you. I’m here for you, okay?”

 

When the younger boy merely nodded in response, Taehyun soon left the room, no doubt to join the rest of the members in the living room again. Although he knew he should probably return as well, Kai couldn’t find it in him to move. He most definitely couldn’t find it in him to return to his spot next to Soobin, almost certain the older boy would be awake waiting for him until he got too sleepy to fight it. 

 

In the end, Kai fell asleep in the bedroom, and woke up to Beomgyu shaking him up.

 

Normally, Soobin woke him up.

 

He didn’t pay it much attention at first, but soon the changes became too apparent as more days passed. Soobin didn’t ruffle his hair before practice. Whenever Kai found himself stealing glances at the older boy and their eyes would meet, the latter would promptly look away. Things became so tense and so _obvious_ that there was no hiding it from the other members, too. Days like that turned into a full week. 

 

They did still talk to each other, but it would always be brief, usually related to practice or their debut. While Soobin still talked to the other members, it was clear that something was bringing him down. He clung to no one that week, too, mostly keeping to himself. Kai was pretty sure he was being the same, certain his bright personality was clearly dampened, but both boys remained stubborn about the whole thing. 

 

Huening Kai has never seen Soobin look so sad. That was the realization that broke him, in the end.

 

That, and Yeonjun trapping them in the bedroom helped, too.

 

“Look, we’re tired of seeing you guys this bummed out,” the eldest spoke, authority clear in his voice, which was rare of him. “Both of you _will_ talk this out.”

 

“Hyung, don’t—“ Soobin began to say, when the door closed in his face. 

 

Behind him, Kai watched the older boy take a deep breath, before turning around.

 

The sadness in his eyes was still apparent, but there was also a clear resolve, like he wanted to get something done. Kai figured that meant there was no way out of the situation, then. It was a problem he practically dug himself into, anyway. Soobin took a few more seconds, fingers twiddling with the sleeves of his sweater, when he tried to speak. The moment he opened his mouth, though, he was promptly interrupted by Kai rushing forward to hug him. 

 

“I’m sorry,” the younger boy said, partially muffled by the way his face was buried in the older boy’s chest. “I’m really sorry, hyung.”

 

“Why are you saying sorry?” Soobin asked gently, one arm automatically wrapping around the younger boy’s thin frame. His other hand began to caress Kai’s hair. “I thought I would be the one apologizing in this situation. I’m sorry, too.”

 

“Hyung has nothing to be sorry about.”

 

The older boy sighed, “but I was making you uncomfortable. Listen, Kai, it’s because—“

 

Whatever he wanted to say was interrupted, again, by Kai. 

 

This time, it was in the form of a kiss, their lips pressed against each other as the younger boy had his eyes shut closed. They stayed that way for a few seconds before Kai realized he should pull away and explain himself, but the moment he did, he found Soobin chasing after his lips and soon the two were kissing again. It started out gentle at first, but soon he was pretty sure Soobin was kissing him harder, and his heart could only take so much.

 

Kai pulled away, successfully this time. 

 

“S-sorry,” came the quick response from Soobin, who looked like his eyes were dazed. His face was a bright red as he gulped, looking away almost guiltily. “Automatic response.”

 

“I like you, Soobin hyung.”

 

The words came out easier than he thought they would, but the fact that they did just kiss helped a lot. There was also the way Soobin’s flushed face and shy expression just reminded Kai of why he liked the older boy to begin with. Soobin was never shy with being affectionate and his gentle demeanour made him someone even Kai couldn't help but coddle at times, but apart from that, he was just so transparent as a person. He wore his heart on his sleeve.

 

All things considered, Kai should have thought about how Soobin might actually like him back.

 

“ _Oh,_ ” Soobin said with a breath of relief. “Yeah, I was thinking you were avoiding me because you figured out I liked you, but you didn’t like me, but then you kissed me just now and—“

 

“And I would like it if we kissed again,” Kai said softly, blushing despite his bold words.

 

For the first time all week, there was a bright and happy smile on Soobin’s face again, wide enough to expose the dimples on his cheeks, “yeah, I’d like that, too.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work and would like to support me, please consider buying me coffee! https://ko-fi.com/stilljunhui


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